This has been a trying year, to say the very least. Among the many difficult things happening, we are in a global pandemic. This is unprecedented territory, and just like teachers, students are anxious, upset, and some may be in grieving. With so much loss happening around us, you may likely have a student in your classroom who lost someone to Covid-19. As someone going through the grieving process, I have thought about some of the things that teachers could do that would make this time easier for me.
For starters, understanding is crucial. In my opinion, there is no greater pain than losing someone you love, and if you have never gone through it, you can never understand the true depth of it. When I started college this semester, I made a note to my biology teacher that my mom had passed away, and that I have to get a lot of testing done, and may miss a class here and there, but that I will catch up as soon as possible. I was nervous about her response, she seemed nice enough, but this is a touchy subject for me, and hard for me to address. Her response was so kind and understanding; it truly relieved so much stress for me. She encouraged me, empathized with me, and understood my requests. This is critical for people when they are in their time of need. The best thing a teacher can give is a reassuring presence and lend a hand to help you back up when you fall.
Secondly, when possible, try to understand a student’s lack of motivation. Most students struggle with willpower right now, so the added stress of grief can be overwhelming for many. I know that in certain times of my life if this were to have happened then, I would not be able to function. Obviously, assignments need to be completed, this is still school, but in places where able, sympathy is critical. Encouragement can be essential in this too. When students struggle to turn things in, reaching out and providing uplifting words can make a world of difference.
Finally, make sure the students know that help is always available to them through their school. Providing them with any services your school may have, like counselors, therapists, and tutors can be huge for students who need help from someone professional for what they are going through. This doesn’t only apply to students in grief, but students in general.
I also recognize that there may be some of you out there going through grief as well. This is a difficult time, heartache on top of everything else 2020 has brought can be hard to stomach. In June, I was a regular teenage girl, just graduating from high school, working a job as a kid’s lead at Barnes and Noble, hanging out with my friends, and spending time with my family. In one day, everything changed. It’s crazy how just one person missing can change the entire structure of your world. I now am running a full-time business, going to college, and am living a nearly entirely different life. I would by no means say that it is easy, or that I have all the answers on how to get through this; in fact, I would argue that I very much do not. However, I have been using some different tactics to help keep me on track with work, even on my darkest days, and I thought I could share them with teachers too.
To begin, I have planners for EVERYTHING. No, seriously, everything. I have a planner for school, I have a planner for the business, I have a planner for everyday life, I have a mini planner for everyday life, and I have a planner on my phone. This is critical for me, as my grieving brain makes me forget so much or can make me anxious that I forget something. I plan out everything in a way that if I need to take a break, I can. I try my best to work ahead when I can so that if I lose motivation for a couple of hours or even a day, it won’t affect me too much. I try to be prepared for my hard days.
I also will take mini breaks as often as I can. This can be through petting my dog, eating a snack, or even walking around my room a couple of times. With grief and lack of motivation, working too much at one time can lead to me getting burnt out and upset, so I do what I can to avoid this. Anything can help, even if it’s just scrolling through Instagram for a couple of minutes when you need a breather.
When it gets to be just too much, I find a way to distract myself if I need to get back to work. For example, if I am too upset to keep working, I will step away and do what I need to do, for as long as I need to, to get my head back in the right space. I do encourage you, though, to feel what you need to feel when you can. Distraction is not always a good thing, as it doesn’t make the pain go away; it just pushes it to a later time. Grief needs to be felt.
Finally, self-care is critical. Take time for yourself and your family. Take time to be with your loved ones, as that is more important than anything else. A lot of times, stuff can wait. Take a bath, take your dog for a walk, look through old photos, be with family. That is the best medicine for hard times. Know that you are stronger than you could ever imagine, and you absolutely can make it through anything. Each step we take, each breath, and each day, shows the inner strength we have. We can do this.